--by John Titus

Yesterday was like any other in post-Bailout America. A corporate tool lied to the public about his handlers’ scheme to rip off everyone in sight with increased prices, while also eliminating thousands of local jobs.

But yesterday was at the same time very unusual because this particular tool, James Rogers, is the CEO of the nation’s largest electric utility, Duke Energy—the spanking new corporate spawn of Progress Energy and… Duke Energy.

--by M.F. Quintilianus

If I said it once, I said it a thousand times: Mendacem oportet esse memoram. For people like Jamie Dimon who thought they were cool sleeping through their Latin classes, it means: A liar must be good at remembering.

Jamie Dimon blacked out during that lesson, and when he got flustered before Congress during the London Whale hearings, he forgot his earlier lies. As we shall see, flustered witnesses are menaces to the party line since they’ll cough up all sorts of crazy shit. And that’s exactly what the head of JP Morgan did.